hmmm?

2009-04-10T17:28:00.003+08:00

wah. now i know what non-progressive means. imagine being stuck at the same chapter for 2 hours. either 1. the chapter is really tough. or 2. i'm really slow. probably both anyway. so agonizing. okay but think of the day when all this is over. i'll be a happier person. hahhaha!! yay!! i feel so exhilarated thinking about it!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

2009-04-02T22:05:00.002+08:00

whew.. it was a long day today. went to school at 845 in the morning to revise for my french quiz. well it was okay except i couldn't understand the oral passage. lol. went fusionopolis after school to have dinner with my care group. on my way back home, as i was approaching the lift lobby, a lady who was a few steps ahead of me got into the lift and the lift door closed. i would've half-expected her to wait a while or perhaps check for passengers. it didn't bother me really, only made me reflected a lil on our fast-paced society where nobody waits for no one no more. time's so precious right? i mean in our corporatized nation time and money are synonymous. everyone wants to get things done at the snap of the fingers. this isn't really a problem i think. what's wrong with being efficient? i like efficiency too (possibly a product of our societal system).

well problem arises when the more abled gets well ahead while the rest of the society lags behind, and this gap only gets bigger. i've heard and read arguments on this from the democracy point of view and how society cannot advance in such a way and the system is dysfunctional (?). yea that's probably true too. but i'm more concerned about the soullessness of people living in sucha world. when everyone is so geared toward their own world and problems and their individual lives, we don't really have the time to care for our fellow brothers or sisters no more. right. no wonder people living sucha densely populated city can feel isolated and lonely. no wonder suicide rate has gone up. sure. this is by no means the only factor but certainly a contributive one.

but let's not be cynical about life and society. there's hope. i've hope. i still believe that amidst the decadence (too strong a word?) we can still see God moving and He is moving. people don't have to lead such soulless lives. i choose not to. i've to clarify at this point that i'm not good enough to judge the society or people or anything. i don't think im here to judge but i can help a teeeeny weeeeny bit in improving my life and those lives around me. just a teeny bit.

2009-04-01T21:03:00.002+08:00

supposed to be studying french now.. but decided to slip away from the busyness of work and blog.

i was looking at my reflection in my other computer screen and i noticed huge bulging eye bags, possibly the result of lack of sleep and overdose of caffein. *shakes head* me and you, we all lead such hard lives. when i was 12 taking my first major exam, i remembered my teacher lecturing us, telling us that this exam was of paramount importance. it came and it passed. then come the 2nd major exam and again we were led to believe that that was the most crucial exam of our lifetime. it came and it went. 3rd major exam... and the story repeats itself.

amidst these counseling sessions, there seems this dominant idea that after this major exam my life would get easier. my parents tried to encourage me at times or at least incentivize me to work hard with this notion that once i get the cert that proves my ability, i will lead a good life, a life of comfort, a better life than the one they are living now. *holds up big cross sign* didn't think so.

each time we graduate, we are really graduating into another chapter of busyness and stress. nah i'm not a pessimist, neither am i sad now or something. i'm really saying life isn't going to get any easier than it is now. and that each of us have our own hard lives. a student has his own stress. a blue-collar worker has his own troubles, a white-collar worker has his own regrets, a mother has her own issues. this was what i saw when i was in the mrt on my way to school this morning. if we look outside our troubles once in a while and think a little for others, we might realize that our little stress and problems are indeed little.

2009-03-23T00:28:00.003+08:00

wah was posting discussion board posting for my public admin module till now. wanted to spend quiet time but decided to relac a lil by blogging. i found many rather interesting websites on politics during my quest for information to post up on the discussion board. more than half of what i read was about how our current stagnating political environment needs a change. every site is talking about it. it'd seem silly to just go with the flow though i think their comments are valid to a certain degree. but really i'd like to find out for myself if this is indeed the case. (that's of course assuming that i am diligent enough to do so.)

anyway, a break from the academic work. i think this past week i've been seeing too many people stressing up over work, it's suffocating. not that i'm suffocating but seeing them suffocating makes me feel a lil suffocated. lol. if you get what i mean. and this has been an increasing trend. i do not think that there is no validity in the comments of seniors and even my peers when they say "this year the j1/sec3/sec4 damn mug la. i dont remember mugging so hard when i was a j1/etc." sure, people have poor judgement of themselves and poor memory but i think the observation is true in some regard. (sigh) sometimes i actually wonder if there really is an alternative to studying. education is great but i dont really think many see the value of it anymore since it's nothing more than getting an A in the exams. what's the point of being so educated when it only makes one more self-centered, materialistic, blah blah.

aiya. maybe i'm being a bit cynical today. haha alright. let me change my tone a bit. I LOVE BEING A STUDENT! :D:D:D i love being a student for god because the central reason for education is to better mankind and, in due time bring god's love through what i do.

2009-03-16T08:59:00.003+08:00

Looks like spring has arrived here in ntu! such beautiful scene i saw when i reached school. hahaha and simin's dad was so funny! he said "the sweepers will sweep dao siao." hahaha. oh but they dont have to sweep them away... they look pretty on the ground like that.

well anyway, i went for this asian journalism fellowship economic seminar. it was a glimpse into how journalists have covered the economic crisis thus far and how in retrospect they have performed in predicting and warning people of this impending doom. i made a new friend on this trip. she's a master student in my school from beijing. it was interesting talking to her. and i am so intrigued by her views on the seminar. she didn't quite like the spokesman from peking university who spoke on how journalists covered the crisis in China. and it is surprising to me the kind of defiance ordinary people of china have toward the officials. and i feel puzzled about their non-action. perhaps things are more complex than how i see them. and i think they really are. my impression of china now after hearing this much from a local is that officials are self-centered, egocentric and don't quite care about their people. i'm not sure how muh of this i true, but i do hope im wrong.

2009-03-15T20:34:00.002+08:00

i'm so mad at retail stores! i went to cut my hair today and the guy was eagerly trying to push me to buy something or get some kinda service. things that i dont need and dont want. then i went to another shop. again! they tried to push me to get certain packages. i dont want it! stop trying to sell me things i dont want and don't need! that's one big deterrence when i go to these shops. it makes me not want to go there again. and i wont. even though the hairdresser is quite charming. hai. i would've considered going back if not for how sales driven they are.

2009-03-02T21:09:00.005+08:00

Police cars at suicide spot.

Barricades around suicide area.

Simin, Yinghan and I were back form Can B after lunch and there we saw these police cars around the S1 building. we thought it was some kind of filming (it was outside CS after all), only to realize to our horror that there was a suicide. we didn't see the body, thankfully.

a student form EEE (electrical and electronic engineering) committed suicide after stabbing his fyp (final year project) prof. the exact reason is unknown. everyone is probably quite aware of this news by this time so i won't retell the story again.

when i heard the news i felt sad. like sad. i dont even know him personally, never seen him before, never heard of him prior to this incident. but i was a little sadden by the thought that life has ended in such a manner. the fact that it happened in ntu brought death closer and seemingly more real. many would have felt sorry for him, wondering if things could have a better ending. i guess given the same situation, with the same personality, we might have all done the same. things could've been different if he had god in him. and i guess tt's what saddens me-- as A.S as it sounds, i feel sad cos i know he'll never get to see god ever again.

2009-02-22T22:23:00.002+08:00

i feel like i'm wasting my life doing meaningless tasks. i spent my entire sunday transcribing some other people's interview and it was freaking long. i was so frustrated that i talked back to my parents a couple of times. especially when their talking made me have to rewind the interview. transcription is detrimental to my well being man. and i was stressed cos the er-dunno-who was urging me for it. it was partly my fault to have not done this earlier. should i have known it was so frustrating, i would have not agreed to it.

a reminder to myself: NEVER agree to any transcription job in the future.

i felt like i've wasted a precious day of recess week doing something that doesn't even benefit me in anyway. and it sickens me. i want to do something productive but i can't. and i can go on and on about it cos right now i'm feeling the agony. but it's okay. i will calm myself down and move on in life. i'm 5 minutes away from freedom.

2009-02-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

i've tried this so many times and each time i tried, i fail. but i've decided to try it again anyway.

i'm talking about blogging btw. haha.

had a french test today. it didn't go very well despite studying for it. just can't get spoken french leh. *puzzled* but i'm not upset or anything. haha. then went out with xiang to jp after that. haha. finally got ot eat KFC ultimate value box!! like woots!! haha. i'm glad we managed to spend some time to catch up this week. whew previous weeks have been hectic. we talked about the randomest things on earth! like potato rolling about bus 179 and learning to ride a motorcycle. we talked about some fetish people have and realize we both have the same fetish, rubbing our faces against pointed edges of cloths. haha. quite an entertaining meet up.

tomorrow will be the last day of school before recess week. seems this sem just flew past in an instance. and it seems like i haven't really done much. so fast! too fast!! and i'm not sure what i want to do with my second half of the sem. what a waste if i were to just let my 1st year zoom by like that. i had better stop this life in motion and start thinking about what i really want to do besides living, breathing and doing things i ought to do.

2008-04-12T23:07:00.003+08:00

had one of the worst days of my life today. i had an interview today and i got out of house 2 hours before the interview time. it took me 30min to get on my 1st bus. 855. >:( grrr. i was so flustered when i got up the bus. glared at the bus captain hoping he'd get the message and perhaps drive faster. it didnt happen. it took about 20 min to yishun when the average time it should take is 10min. another demerit point for translink company. >:( i knew i wouldnt make it in time if i were to take the mrt so i decided to take a cab. no cab. yea! no kidding. i waited for another 20min or so for a miserable cab to appear. i almost cried in my frustration. to make matters worse, it started pouring. good grief. as if my life isnt tough enough. i didnt care and got a little wet. but thank God i still managed to get to interview on time. haha.

alright. about the interview. i felt like i was rattling on and on about something i thought i knew but i didnt quite know. it wasn't like bad bad but it wasnt the best for sure. but nevertheless im glad i was given the chance and could at least perform. :D

had a headache on my way to le meridien. must be due to the rain. :( talked to jeslyn and walked her to tiong bahru plaza from somerset. (!!!) hahaha. very tiring!!! but nice scenery. then went back to le meridien again to crap with patrice, yvonne, patrice's friend, alex and kenneth.

yea that sums up my day.

2008-04-01T23:04:00.006+08:00

hahaha the most hilarious thing happened today. i woke up awaken by an sms from kiwi. she said daddykai was going to shanghai for one month and he just knew it yesterday. i was like huh? so random and sudden? did something happen? then she smsed back: Eh ok. It was an april fools joke by him -.- ok i feel like such an idiot. BAHAHAHA. she actually passed down the trick!

had core team retreat today! went vivo to watch the Empress and the Warriors. hahaha i thought it sounded cheesy at 1st but it was great!!! and i dont usually think movies are good so it makes this movie doubly good. hahaha. okay i dont care what the critiques i've read say about this movie but personally i feel it's good. their views are too professional for commoners like us to appreciate so heck them. haha. i'm too lazy to type a sypnosis of the movie so here's a sentence to summarize it: princess had to take up role as a military commander and empress but found her soulmate in the jungle, gave up her throne to be with him; however, there was a mutiny and she had to return to resolve conflict and became the empress yet again. haha. good show watch it.

couldnt't have dinner with them.. :( i had to work. argh! so i left right after the movie. but im glad we had this outing! it's been some time since i actually truly relaxed.

(from the left) me, fungmin, yvonne, patrice.

2008-03-31T23:25:00.002+08:00

woke up in the morning with a neckache which developed into a headache throughout the day. i've no idea why. not like i was so stressed up or anything. talk about monday blues man. :(

went for shepherding at tiong bahru plaza (the other end of the island, haha). it was interesting with patrice and jeslyn asking tough questions. maybe thats what gave me e headache. haha. but sadly i couldnt stay longer. had to rush off for work.. :(

ohoh! guess what. i ate 3 KFC drumsticks today! omg. 3. i vow never to touch kfc for the rest of this week. im like chicken's greatest enemy. :(

i realised i've 3 sad faces in all my 3 paragraphs. this means that today hasnt been a great day. :( but it's fine. TOMORROW will be a better day! cos fung, pat, yvonne and i are gonna watch a movie together!! :D something to look forward to! :D:D:D

2008-03-30T21:59:00.002+08:00

today was a boring day. woke up at 11.30. like omg. so late. rushed outta house after a quick breakfast for work. met this new girl at work and she's nice to talk to, so we kinda chatted the hours away. nothing exciting actually happened which might actually be good. haha.

2008-03-30T01:19:00.004+08:00

oh my gawd. it's been like ages since i last blogged. haha. apparently michelle has managed to persuade me to give blogging another try. so here i am.

today has been a busy day. started the day by being late. :( again. for the millionth time. :( anyway, went to ac funorama. toured around with yvonne, patrice, alex, xiangyu, leon and kianhwee. haha it was fun except we had to rush through the entire funfair. i was with yvonne n patrice for most of the time. played 2 games- one shoot the duck game, the other throw ball game. haha. it was quite fun and i was so high i looked silly. haha. ohohoh. and guess what. i bought a sausage and a bottle of souvenior water which was really mineral water in my desperate attempt to use up my coupons. i dropped my sausage on my way out and left my bottle on e security guard's table. -.- sians.

rushed for grads meeting which was fun, funny and insightful. played a modified dog-and-bone game which isn't one of my favourite. it was fun but just not my kinda game. gives me too much adrenaline rush. haha. but either way i had fun. weekeong was overly happy about his 'tober-lerone'. raphael then taught and talked about the transition phase which was good sharing. :)

so then it was service where only 3 of us from our cg was there. :( miss the ac people. haha. had the grads appreciation after service where everyone was so high! like ??? hahaha. i mean i wouldnt expect anything less than exciting with ryan and songjun around. the game was like mega fun! hahaha! everyone's like hyper. ohohoh. and there're like new found talents in e unit man! okay perhaps not new found but i got to see their talents for the 1st time. like junyao can play e guitar and we've like a mini choir in our midst. yea. exciting stuff there. you can just sit and watch jc central and never get bored of it cos they are so random n spontaneous at times.

so yeap. that basically sums up my entire day. :)

2007-08-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

isn't it amazing that everyone's loved by someone? even the dirty begger in tattered clothes with a stench that keeps everyone away is loved by someone too? shldnt we in fact be comforted at this truth? at the thought of it i guess everyone is. but we soon turn away and get suck back into our own selfish lives wondering why no one loves or notices me. wondering why the ones whom we 'love' never quite reciprocate. what a myopic view of the macro situation.

there are just so many thoughts running through my mind. since things are settling down i guess it's time to sort things out before rushing back into the mad rat race. sometimes it's easier to just sweep things under the carpet.

where's discipline when u need him!?!?!?!

2007-07-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

wow i havent been blogging for such a long time. haha okay. now im back. anyway, a recount of what i did today. had parent teacher's meet which was horrible, studied in school which wasn't productive, had church which was refreshing and played with rubiks cube which was facinating. zooming in to describe a little more abt each event. parent teacher's meet was as always a interrogating session for students like me, by both my parents and teacher. bad way to start the day. not to mention it was at 7.30 in the morning. okay studying was boring so i shall skip it. church was interesting so i shall elaborate. we had some kinda music performance and i m proud to say that the production has improved tremendously. some parts of the performance are quite moving. went for dinner after that but i didnt really eat cos i was figuring out how to solve a rubiks cube!! i feel quite austistic playing it la but i dont care. it's very intriguing. haha. and i think i'd just get one tmr if i've the time. imagine seeing this girl in an mrt playing with a cube. how retarded!! lol.

how is it that my day is so filled with events but im so filled with nothing? so odd eh. it's like sth is nagging at me. like how i dont feel fulfilled. and i dont understand why. in 5 week's time im gonna have to master everything. in 5 week's time im gonna have to establish everything. in 5 week's time. and im nowhere near where i wanna be. god if u favour me would u please show me a sign. at least i know i shld continue on, whether or not the results will show. but right now im a little lost, slightly disappointed and somewhat confused. lost abt where to go. disappointed abt the current situation. confused whether my actions are mere manifestation of how i feel inside. whatever the case life goes on la. so i think i shld bathe now.

2007-05-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

it's out. it's finally out. haha. it is now that i begin to think if my decision was right. yeaa sure it's e politically correct thing to do and it has to be so soon or later anyway. i think i'm just missing NE, my alma mater. gosh im missing it even before i leave! well anyway that's only partly why im stoning now. what adds to my fear is integration into the new environment. sure i know it's a fine group, afterall which group isnt.. but fitting in isnt always a piece of cake. i want to look at things from the optimist point of view, that changes are opportunities. but i also want to know what to hope for, what to look forward to. i want to prepare myself but i don't know what to prepare for. therefore my mind is a blank, just like how i view my future right now.

well. at least i can be sure it's gonna be within god's plan and things will turn out wonderful. :) i wanna believe so at least.

2007-05-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)Always look on the right side of life...

YEA! i should really adopt this as my life motto. haha. *laughs out loud*

2007-05-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

i didnt mean to seek attention with my silence. there are times when i need my own space and time to think through stuff. so stop trying so hard. it only leaves me feeling guilty, adding on to the burden i already have. stop trying so hard to get me to crack. i dont want to. since there's only one who can get those teasers then others should just stop guessing. we'll all see the answer one day.. and that includes me.

2007-05-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

im officially 18 2 days ago! yay!

so i shld stop living for myself maybe a little bit more for others. perhaps also be a little less selfish, a little more selfless. to stop thinking that the world revolves around me. to stop being so deluded and slightly more realistic.

aii.. it's time to mature.

2007-05-02T20:56:00.000+08:00

mm. it's 2nd may. about a month has passed. it feels like this whirlpool which i have been in for the past one month has finally stopped its spin. yay! ya yay! i should be glad shldnt i? haha.
well in a way i am. in a way im not. i never knew i would feel nostalgic about it but i guess i do. perhaps it's the pain i was used to. or be it the joy i've experienced. they all play a part in this not-quite-forgetable journey.

i would only feel this way for this moment. or at least i hope. i've greater things to worry about now. i can't linger.

2007-04-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

im sure life is bigger than what im perceiving it to be right now. it has to be. it just has to be because my world view is so narrow. im sure it goes beyond school, cca, ministry and even family and friends. every waking hour i feel myself being sucked into a finite world where the only things tt revolve around me are homework, training, homework, training, homework, training and more trainings and trainings... i can just feel myself distancing away from myself. i can feel myself becoming less of who i would like myself to be. i want to be happy. now im losing my religion (no not religion as in christianity). im losing faith in the things i do. i dont know why am i putting so much effort into something i know is doomed from the very beginning. i find myself trying to keep up with things, trying to psycho myself that things are more hopeful than they really are. and i thought i saw myself try. but i guess it all amounts to nothing in the end. nothing. NOTHING. then i thought i saw myself cry.

2007-03-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

i cant see my post. hahaha it's been too long since i last blogged and my page dissolved into thin air. hmmm.......

testing

testing

testing

2007-02-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

common test is next week. actually just one day away to be exact. man it's gonna be bad. it's so bad i've even thought of telling my teacher 'sir, im gonna fail this common test big time. so pls dont make a fuss in front of my parents when u get to meet them eventually.' i've even rehearsed it through during my bath. talk abt being pessimistic. weird thing is i feel so unnaturally relaxed, nonchalant. anyway fate has been decided, destiny is unalterable so why bother right? har! fatalism. but no! that shouldnt be the way. not when i am where i am now. i need to uproot this old thought pattern of mine and just give it my all. which is exactly what im gonna do now. i may not ace it but at least i didnt forfeit my own integrity.

2007-02-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

oh gosh... i feel so lousy now. things hasnt been smooth lately. on top of that i've lost you. i dont know why you hold so much sentimental value to me. perhaps because uve been with me through my sad and lonely times. i can be away from the world when im in you. it just feels so wrong without you by me. i still unknowingly reach for you every once in a while. my heart aches when i find you missing. man. i didnt know you meant so much to me. well now i do. i guess man will never learn to cherish until they've lost. i keep praying and hoping that one day you might turn up. im still waiting.

to: my ipod.
from: your owner.

2007-01-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

sth tremendous took place today and i was exposed to sth i never thought i'd experience. everything was so melodramatic i would've thought i was watching a channel8 drama serial. yet the relatives' cries were so real i could no longer deny the truth. it was indeed a heart-wrenching moment but what can human do when life is being unkind? we can only huddle tgt for warmth, comfort and support.

this incident made me understand my own faith at a whole new level. everything seems to come alive. real people with real problems. real people with real needs. real people in real situations. christianity really isnt just singing some songs on some regular saturdays. he didnt come all the way just for us to sing some songs unto him. he came primarily to restore. and he's real, amidst us.

2007-01-02T04:01:00.000+08:00

wow it's already the 2nd day of new year. of a dreadful new year. and i have yet to set my new year resolutions. not to mention, i've yet done my holiday assignments as well. haha. thinking back on 2006, it has indeed been a fruitful year in which i've grown. looking ahead.. im ambivalent abt it. i feel anxious yet i anticipate the new year. it saddens me yet it excites me. part of me wants to reminisce yet part of me tells me to move on. it's so bizzare how one can have such opposing feelings all at the same time. i've never felt this much toward a new year as i did for this. perhaps because i know what is installed for me. perhaps because i can actually visualise what is to come. and perhaps because i've no idea how to handle it. i guess i can only fall back to the arms of grace.

2006-12-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

oh how tragic this is.. school is starting once again. back to my miserable routine once again. i've to wake up at tt miserable hour, dress in my miserable sch u, sit at the same ol' miserable bus stop, wait for that miserable bus, taking tt familiar and miserable 132, arrive at the miserable gate. on top of that, i've to go to my miserable class on some unknown and miserable level hidden in some dark and miserable corner. and all i can do is stare at tt miserable dark sky at 7.38am waiting for our brother to start our miserable day. oh how tragic. the thought of it just saddens me. it saddens me badly. *starts EMU-ing around*

2006-12-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

service yesterday was fantasic! i could see the immense effort they've put in the deco, the production and everything else. the music was great too. i must say for those who hasnt gone to service yesterday, u've missed out a whole lot. aniwae, had our xmas event after that at a tea house. seriously speaking i wasn't even half filled when i left. haha. but that's alright. the gathering was more than enough to compensate for the lack of food. went chilling with rachel, sunny and freedy thereafter. it was.. mm.. relaxing but expensive. haha. such a eventful day it was. but it only leaves me with a sense of emptiness when i woke up the next day at 3pm. i don't believe this. it's christmas eve and when i woke up no one was home. i thought we were supposed to have some relatives reunion as mentioned before. so i waited. and guess what, it didnt come to past. haha. not as if im really looking forward to it, but at least it fills me for the day. my parents returned from god-knows-where and said they've decided to not go for the reunion because they were tired. it was already evening so i thought i might as well just stay home for christmas eve feeling like a betrayed loser. but gee. dont get me wrong. im not disappointed. just bored. i guess my mom kinda tried to compensate by whipping up some elaborated meal, as much as her skills allow tt is. haha. it was great nevertheless. i enjoy today anyhow, listening, watching, strumming, playing, sleeping. what's more relaxing than this.. but let's hope tmr be a more interesting day.

2006-12-22T01:52:00.000+08:00

just bought a cap. i like it. it hides me from half of the world. though it restricts my vision but at least i can mask myself from society. aii gosh. what kinda emo kid am i?? hahaha! but seriously the feeling is great. if u wanna cry u can just bend low and sob. if u wanna giggle u can just do it. lol. weilun agreed with me! :D:D:D LOL. okay. wadever.

aniwae. went evaxing with the sa dudes today. gawd. nobody responded again. WHY! it angers me and makes me wanna rebel. defiance. GRR. i stayed around potong pasir for a while after they left just to wait for a miracle. then i went to dhoby gaut alone to study. yihui n weilun joined later on. hmm.. i finally finished one topic. haha. after one whole month. someone congratulate me. left for home earlier than the rest. and.. yup. tt's all. looking forward to tmr for some reason.

2006-12-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

oh my gawd. i dont believe this. MY COMP IS SCREWED UP AGAIN! $%#@*& GRRRRRR!!!! if i were to go back to that freak shop it'd be the 3rd freaking time im going back. 3 times in 2 months!! ARGHH. why didnt they do a good job before that? huh huh huh huh! i think i might go down on my own and give that guy a piece of my mind. i feel so mad i can almost bash him up. gawd. some kinda professional.

2006-12-07T23:36:00.002+08:00

get out of this place while we still have time

the day started off beautifully with my dental appointment being cancelled. note the sarcasm in that. forget that. went for clc after that and woo.. daniel just blew me away with his style, flare and spirit. seriously. i've sooOoOooOoOoooOooOooOOOOoooooOOOoOoOoOoOoOOOoOOOOooO much more to learn. im truly humbled. *places hands on heart and bow to show sincereity and humility* the delegates came for the class too and sat in for 2 hours. we went shopping and eating after that. haha. it's so cute to see them being awed by every little decoration which i dont even take notice of. we shared over dinner table about hope sg and ks. they probably feel they've learnt a lot in singapore but the truth is i've taken back with me much as well. they've made me see the impact we are making are truly beyond the shores of singapore. yes indeed a global city church. i feel that i've just witness the pioneer batch of hope ks. and i believe with all my heart and soul and liver and kidney and lungs and stomach that a few years down the road the kind of testimonies i hear from ks wont be the same as what i hear now. :D prove me right and blow me away.

get out of this place while we still have time
as i look at you on that day, i feel a tinge of regret and perhaps even guilt. i've no clue as to what made our relationship tilt. i admit i miss the times we had, the fun we shared. yet i cant bring myself to cross the barrier of awkwardness. it is just that everytime our eyes meet, we bounce off each other's gaze spontaneously.it is not as if i am anymore eligible to despise you because perhaps im worse. whatever the case i hope we'd let this just be a passing phase and perchance return to where we used to be.

2006-12-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

wada lovely day today. had training but at least i feel rather fulfilled. though i dont particularly love it but i have to say it's better than sitting at home wasting my life away.

2006-11-30T04:43:00.000+08:00

the song is playing in my mind. these scenes are recurring in my head. perhaps i've been deluded by myself all these while. perhaps things aren't as complicated as i've thot it to be. oh well. just drop it. i need to sleep now.

2006-11-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

whew back from my boring 2 days of work. didnt make many friends since i didnt really see the significance in it. i might just add more names to my awkward-hi-bye-friend list. thank god guihao was there with me. she's the closest to home that i've ever been over there. so most of the time i'd be alone fulfilling my duty. i dont remember saying much besides "im sian." and "im tired." other than that im just a lone ranger. hoho.

anyway, im inspired and a little ashamed by Gideon's story. at the age of 22 he's still able to relate to a 14-year-old. what more me, a 17-year-old?? oh. did i just reveal his age? *laughs*

okay. now that work's over, i've to switch back to my normal routine and LIVE MAH LIFE MAN! but actually i think i need one more job to sustain my expenditure in school. yea. other than that im going back to my old way of life.

2006-11-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

2006-11-16T03:19:00.000+08:00

this week passed so fast. it seemed like yesterday tt it was monday. well, monday was 2 days ago. haha. okay. i guess it seemed so fast cos i havent done much, havent accomplished much. gosh if this goes on, my entire hol is going down the drain. i've better set some kinda goals to achieve. then again, maybe i shld just seize this chance to rest and recuperate from the stressful semester i had in school. haha. either way i like the way i spend my time now though it aint the most fruitful but it's the most relaxing. i'll get my gears moving no worries but i'll just allow myself time to unwind. whhhheww.

2006-11-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

had pw in e morning again. AGAIN!!! oh gawd. it's okay. it'll soon be over. awaiting for thursday. haha. had nowhere to go after project.. all of them zao in all directions la. wanted to go out shop & chill.. ai. i found myself patrolling the streets of orchard road once again. in the end i decided go starbucks and enjoy some reading. oh! the christmas drinks at starbucks are nice.

so tt's my day. i spent most of it with myself. no wonder im feeling a little lonely now. a little empty. it's like u're disconnected from everyone. i know it ideally shldnt be this way since im really not alone. but wadever. haha. shall go fill the void with some food.

2006-11-05T19:32:00.000+08:00

argh.. feeling so irritated abt all that's happened today. wad was supposed to be a happy and good day turned out to be a frustrating experience. was suppose to go get some stuff with my mom after coming home from debbie's house. i ended up waiting for her till i fell asleep. i mean if u dont want to go out with me then say it why spoil my whole plan just so that u can escape?? in e end i didnt even get to go vivo. there's another thing she did which made me feel rather disgusted. argh. when i thot the day couldnt be any worse, pw has to come in to irritate me as well. was being bugged at to do that video since last night. maybe i didnt get everything into perspective but i could've done it early if the video was sent earlier. okay. wadever. forget it.

2006-11-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

since my blog looks better now i shall blog an entry.

had training today. hmm.. my ball fell into a hole in e tennis court. how silly. even e coach was slightly amused by it. haha.
after tt went for dinner at johnson duck rice stall.. woo. nice nice nice.

yea. tt's abt all tt happened today. haha.

2006-10-17T19:51:00.000+08:00

ripped this off denise's blog.. feeling bored so decided to get to know myself a little better. haha

3 SCHOOLS I WENT TO:
1. CHIJ St Nicks (Pri)
2. CHIJ St Nicks (Sec)
3. Catholic Junior College

3 THINGS I PUT IN MY PURSE/BACKPACK:
1. water bottle
2. a story book
3. handphone & wallet

3 THINGS I DO WHEN I AM STRESSED:
1. wander
2. eat
3. splurge

3 PLACES I GO ON A DAILY BASIS:
1. my bedroom
2. my toilet
3. my kitchen

3 FAVOURITE FRUITS:
1. peach
2. honeydew
3. erm.. more peach?

3 OF MY FAVOURITE FOODs:
1. chicken briyani from cj
2. orange bowl from sngs
3. stingray from chompchomp

3 NAMES I GO BY:
1. siew luan
2. luan
3. luany

3 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. IJ pe tee
2. giorando shorts
3. contacts

WHO IS IN THE HOUSE WITH YOU:
my family.

WHO AM I THINKING OF RIGHT NOW:
erm.. not to be disclosed

WHO DID I LAST TALK ON THE PHONE WITH:
rachel

WHO DID I SIT WITH DURING MY 5TH PERIOD CLASS:
either denise or cheryl

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON I TOLD THAT I LOVED:
my dad

WHO DO I WISH I AM WITH RIGHT NOW:
haha! guess?

WHO GETS ON MY NERVES IN SCHOOL:
probably teachers

WHERE IS MY PHONE:
i've no idea.. on my bed?

WHERE DO I SLEEP:
HAHA?!? wad kinda question is this??? on my bed??

WHERE IS THE LAST PLACE THAT I TOOK A RIDE TO:
town

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING I ATE:
pomelo

WHAT COLOUR SHIRT AM I WEARING:
white, blue, yellow, green, red (e ij crest)

WHAT IS THE CLOSEST ITEM TO ME THAT IS BLUE:
my uniform

WHAT DO I LIKE MOST ABOUT SCHOOL:
being with my friends.

WHAT IS MY FAVOURITE COLOUR:
red. i guess.

WHAT DO I WEAR OFTEN JEANS/SHORTS:
shorts

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE I WATCHED:
wow. seriously i've no idea. it's been a long time.. go out anyone?

WHEN DID I START SCHOOL:
7.40am?

WHEN DID I LAST GO TO THE MALL:
this afternoon

WHEN DID I LAST BURN SOMETHING:
last friday i think. lantern n sparklers.

ok.. this isnt very interesting. but it keeps me occupied.

2006-10-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

woah e haze is bad bad bad.. im gonna starve.. my throat is so pain i cant consume food nor drink.. my staple food now is porridge. pls pls pls make e haze go away... pls pls stop burning e forest...

2006-09-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

today was an awesome day! had service and after that we celebrated sunny's birthday. hohoho. we pretended to play a game called 'kidnap' and he was the victim. so he was blindfolded and guided around orhard road. imagine that. it was a hilarious sight. in order to store time for nicholas and clarence to get the cake and java chips we made sunny do the most ridiculous things like walking into a plant and squating up and down at the streets. oh did i mention that sunny was freaked out by plants tt tickled him? he finally ended up at glass house. whata waste.. should've filmed the whole process down. haha!! so then we ate and talked and it was an enjoyable dinner. after dinner we joined tiffany and yushan to study at dome for a while. ok it was a while for me at least. i left soon after cos i was too sleepy to concentrate. haha!

oh i really wanna blog abt this. service was so amazing today. even though i was all the way at the back of e auditorium i was captivated by the atmosphere. and these lyrics from a song really touched me: "The greatest love that anyone could ever know,
it overcame the cross and grave to find my soul. and till i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home, i'll trust in you." when coupled with e tune it's just mind-blowing. the experience was indescribable.

alright im off now!

2006-09-22T22:25:00.000+08:00

woke up really late today. decided to cook my own meal but it ended up quick urkful. hahaa. and in the middle of studying chemistry i decided to make test-tube glitter. wonder wad i was thinking at that time. hohoho. anyway it turned out disasterous and i had to clean up before meeting freedy. pm was a little different than usual but just as ministering. haha. except that i was cramped up at the side having to hug my legs in order not to rest my legs on others. hahaa. wanted to jog after meeting.. but had too much on my mind and it was kinda late. so i went home instead.

2006-09-09T00:45:00.000+08:00

wow. it's 9th september. time flies. at the blink of an eye and here i am approaching the end of my j1 life. and i've once thot my 17th year would never end. haha. yea it was a fun i suppose with a few down times sprinkled here and there. but i never liked recollecting my memories. they only leave me with a nostalgic feeling. and the past only holds me back.

i've to end here because i've only too much to say.

2006-09-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

i want to watch monster house! company, anyone?

i vouch to study today. to study till twilight and even till the cock crows. (funny. a cock crows. so does a crow cocks?)

2006-08-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

laadeedums. today was cold. im feeling cold. brr.

had school today and after school i stayed to study. initially intended to join e night study. but decided against it cos it was too cold to be outside. and besides i want to leave as and when i like and not be locked up in sch till 10pm. such rigid system.

im so looking forward to end of promos. but that would signify sth else as well. but ok who cares i shant use my happy moments to think of sad stuff. btw, i really need to study.

2006-08-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

how is it tt u're everywhere yet nowhere to be found?
how is it tt i say i dont care yet my actions differ?
how is it tt i've learnt yet am repeatedly falling into e same rut ?

had a normal school day today. actually i cant quite rmb wad really happened. studied a little after school with classmates. then went home, bathed and slept. hmm.. it was really boring. haha. but sometimes i'd rather an unexciting life than a life too happening. ok but too boring aint good too. haha. ok nvm. im typing rubbish at 12.40am on a thursday morning. i think i shld turn in..

2006-08-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

today was a rather happy day despite it having a bad start in e morning. the rest of the day was rather enjoyable, not tt anything extraordinary happened. but perhaps it's cos nothing extraordinary happened therefore im happy. perhaps it's true tt we find joy in little things, in being able to live today.

aniwae i cut my hair. it feels kinda dry now. this always happens when i cut my hair. i feel like a lion. *roars*

2006-08-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

lalalalalalalove makes the world go round
you can't hurt me with the things tt u do
i'll pick up dandelions and i'll give it to u
cos
lalalalalalalove makes the world go round.

the lyrics from a simple kids song spoke the deepest truth mankind could never understand.

2006-08-09T19:29:00.000+08:00

happy birthday singapore!!

it's funny how some people can complain abt their predicament and do nth abt it. like how they complain abt the living standards in singapore but never make any plans to migrate. if u dont like it, then do sth abt it! or else just shut up and live with it.

2006-08-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday has been interesting.

2006-08-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

"When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after
all this time, you're still the one I love."
-shania twain

i want Our relationship to be this way. :)

2006-08-02T20:15:00.000+08:00

oops. i gave it a miss.
shouldn't have done it. but i did it anyway..
too late for redemption work.

im almost disappointed with myself. almost.

2006-07-18T17:08:00.000+08:00

i'll just blog abt random things today.

ended sch early today because the j1s had a level listening. went town and ate galare apple crumble. it was fattening and delicious. hohoho. then i went home.

school was slack and boring. at least it keeps me occupied. hahaha. then again im not sure if i really wanna be occupied.

i've overdued hw to do. but my writing fingers hurt from pe today. haha ok i'll slack 1st. hehehehe.

2006-07-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

things of the heart, who can decipher.. sometimes i wonder how it really works. it's so deceitful it disgusts me.. it's so cunning it confuses me.. it's so subtle it almost throws me off track..

heart, u're such a weird.. thing.

2006-07-06T20:00:00.000+08:00

it's been so hectic for the past week. all that i rmb myself doing is going sch, coming back and rush rush rush. so much so that i no longer know wad i am doing. everyday is just a repeat of yesterday. it is all a sick cycle carousel.

i need to sit down and sort out.

2006-07-04T19:03:00.000+08:00

i woke up extra early today toured around singapore searching for one place and ended up in school being just on time. im not exactly sure if wad i was doing was the most effective thing. but it's my heart felt desire. yea. if only i was a little more street smart. haha. street smart indeed.

school was jialat for me cos i was so sleepy. had to pull my eyelids apart with toothpicks. i dozed off during chem lecture cos the teacher's voice was a lullaby to my ears. but she's quite interesting. i guess i was just tired. after sch denise and i went on a date together at pastamania. loads of hilarious happenings. hahaha! i just so enjoy her. even the pastamania guy was laughing at her!

then i went home. and here i am blogging. wahah. i think i stink and need a bath badly.. if only i cud dismantle myself and wash parts of me at a time.. hohoho. ok gonna bathe~!

2006-07-02T16:14:00.000+08:00

i hate aimless afternoon where i go idle listening to mp3s. some mp3s paint old pictures i never want to rmb of. some depict new scenes i never want to think of. to think i've come so far. one afternoon isnt going to destroy all my effort. oh god.

2006-07-01T02:02:00.000+08:00

i wonder if it's just me or me. yea maybe it's me. then again maybe it's me? yea. so it's me. if it was me, my apology. but if it was me, still, my apology. :)

some nice nonsense there. sometimes typing nonsensical things is quite relaxing and relieving. although no one understands what in e world u're bloggin abt. they might actually think it's sth deep and profound when it's some simple and shallow! hohoho. ok im spouting nonsense again.

aniwae im amused by what denise said: "im so gonna pack my bag and riot outside moe!" i can almost imagine her with her hot pink billabong bag throwing fists in the air outside the moe building! what a hilarious sight! *rofl*

2006-06-21T01:47:00.000+08:00

at 1.47am on 21june06
i was here blogging about my fear. fear of what is to come.

at 1.49am on 21june06
i was here reminiscing, recollecting memories of the past. that bittersweet longing for what used to be.

at 1.54am on 21june06
i was here thinking if the present really matter since what always occupy my mind is always things of the future or past.

2006-06-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

woah this week had been a spirit-filled week for me. with the holy ghost in ur life it's really different. it makes me dont want to leave His presence la. i definitely more joyful than b4 even though im pressed at all sides.

2006-06-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

i think i just fell in love..
will you be mine?

please, tag heuer?

2006-06-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

OMG!! CAMP WAS FANTABULOUS!! i've learnt an awful lot and it has given me the extra boost for the tough journey ahead.. indeed when God speaks, lives changes. gonna take a look at what happened for e past days:

day1
we had telematches where i tore the skin of my both palms. ouch. but thank god for the medic team. im really impressed by the medic team.. they dont just do what normal medics do, to treat wounds and other illnesses.. they pray for the sick as well. and i see that they've worked extremely hard as well.. on the last day they all had heavy eyebags. hahaha. later on we had opening ceremony as well as teachings which was awesome! oh later on i bunked in together with krisstle.. we shared a single bed but managed to make ourselves comfy. we shared much and the night was amazing.

day2
ok by day2 i was ardy half dead. i seriously think im getting older. but aniwae we had praise and worship and teachings which was fantastic! i learnt a lot though i was on the verge of death.. i wish i was more linguistic to express the kind of experience i had. it was truly great. we gathered as a whole neb and nec and played games. man i've never been more aggressive in my life.. and i felt victorious thereafter!! bwahahaha. i was supposed to bunk in with rachel at night.. bought cup noodles and mash potato (one with too much water, the other with too little) and cans of drinks.. but guess what. i fell asleep waiting! argh *stabs myself in the chest a thousand times*

day3
i woke up thinking the camp just zoomed past me. but this day was machiam the climax of the camp. had teaching and pw in the morning. then we had the game of "who killed shirley". rather interesting but i was drenched cos dennis poured a bucket of water on me as he was aiming at someone else.. I WAS SO INNOCENT!! we had bring it on which was a showcase of our church's talents. a.m static(northeast jc brothers) won! great job!! we had our ignite concert! it was so captivating.. u cud almost see liquid human in the hall (pardon my analogy). shirley gave a powerful challenge which moved me and many others as well. indeed how can we lose to the world.. how can it be??! gideon challenged us too and i met up with my pple as well.. neb! let's aim to be word-centered pple and let's hit our goal of 30 by end of aug!! sth was burning within us.. god is really moving.

we had our free and easy session cos it was the last day.. but i was so burnt out i slept at 3am.. and i really slept like a log! i woke up at the exact same position i slept in.

day4 (today)
it was the last day.. shirley's murderer was revealed. daniel was the one. hahaa had closing ceremony and a round of praise. really cool.. took many photos of which some i looked terribly lame. but in any case i really really really enjoyed myself. it was a refreshing spiritual retreat.. we had lunch at harbour front and went home. i slept immediately without even bathing (gross i know. but i CUDNT CARE ANYMORE!) and then here i am blogging. hehehes.

i had many new experiences in this Encounter camp. things i never knew i could do, i did it. now i could understand the verse "better a day in the house of the lord than a thousand elsewhere."

2006-06-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

i cant wait but im waiting. no worries. it's coming.

2006-06-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

what a long day i had. woke up in the morning unsure if i was going for training. decided not to in the end. my stomach was upset. service has never been greater. sermon was way powerful. im really anticipating the camp! im expecting a special date with god! *winks* ok and now im studying.

argh. i cant write recounts for nuts. this entry sucks. but at least it gives an overview of my interesting day in a rather boring way. 17 hours blogged down in 9 sentences. i think i'll ace my summary.

2006-05-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

i dont know where've u gone and i never knew why..

2006-05-25T00:50:00.000+08:00

let me delcare. i've no school tmr! *shouts of joy* a miserable holiday in the midst of a hectic week. i truly appreciate it as miserable as it may be. when u're so tired out by the week's workload, any holiday would be like an oasis in e desert. u'd thank god a whole lot for it. ironically, tmr's packed.

just now over msn, me and louie were just discussing about friendship. indeed i wonder how many wud remain my friends after i move on from this life station to the next. how many wud actually bother to keep in contact. it's sad that how sometimes friendship can be built on such flimsy foundation like similar interests, etc. take that away and the friendship crumbles.. but over the years i've learnt to move on from such tragedy.. they repeat themselves anyway. no pt getting emo over it.

ok i've many things to do tonight. many things to plan. i want to sleep. soemtimes i feel like a kid being pushed to adulthood. the difference btw adults and kids is that when kids whine abt not doing sth, pple give in but not to an adult. can i be a kid for once?

2006-05-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

somehow im grossed out by my previous entry.. but ok la.. in different mood previously.. anyway im feeling ultra awake now cos i had a tiny cup of espresso just now. it works wonders u know.. those who find it hard to keep awake while studying shld drink tt. ok im hungry now. shall go hunt for food!

2006-05-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

i so wanna make u proud of me. make u smile. but more often than not i know i only managed to make u grieve.. but rest assure. im trying. im progressing. im reaching.

the lights are dimmed, the music is playing and im almost transcending into another dimension. everything seem so dreamy now. i just love this feeling. indulging in this romantic night. i want to fall asleep this way every night..

2006-05-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

school is boring as ever.. so unhappening.. but thank god it has been rather relaxed this week.. slow pace.. but i know i seriously need to gear up to chiong for mid years..

june's coming.. activities are piling up.. i wonder when will we be able to stop and catch our breath b4 we move on again.

2006-04-30T13:28:00.000+08:00

was sick the previous 3 days.. had bad sore throat and rather high fever.. so bad tt i didnt go to see a doctor.. couldnt even move much.. it makes me appreciate my health a little more now.. thank God im better now.. managed to drag myself to the doctor this morning.. feeling drowsy cos of the medicine i took.. but anithing is better than feeling sick.

having our 1st ever class outing tmr! let's hope it goes well.

2006-04-23T01:49:00.000+08:00

wow. today is an exceptionally boring day.

2006-04-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

so many conversations ran dry just like that. it's amazing isnt it.. how we can talk abt anything under the sun for this moment and the next we behave like strangers on e street.. why had it happened? i doubt they really know why either. but it's ok. im nonchalant about it.

2006-04-12T19:10:00.000+08:00

this is freaky.. the world is watching.. it is actually watching..

2006-04-09T13:04:00.000+08:00

s,p,d,f.. 1st IE, 2nd IE.. pauli exclusion principle, hund's rule.. im a chemist in making!

2006-04-07T19:18:00.000+08:00

my thigh muscles ache.. my head is spinning.. i think i need to bathe

2006-04-01T00:20:00.000+08:00

everyone seems to have moved on.. why am i stuck here? i dont want to let go of the past but im afraid to venture too deep into e present.. it just leaves me feeling empty and alone.. i look around and faces i thot i knew but i know things are different now.. staying the same is just going to make me feel lonelier than ever. wad's happening?

2006-03-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	luan
Birthday:	8 may 89
Birthplace:	singapore
Current Location:	in front of e comp.
Eye Color:	dark
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	157
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	erm... hai nan dao???
The Shoes You Wore Today:	market slippers
Your Weakness:	i dont say how i feel and wad i really think
Your Fears:	not able to tell those i love tt i love them
Your Perfect Pizza:	ani pizza is perfect!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	to get more tone. to be able t promote. to get A's
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	haha
Thoughts First Waking Up:	5 more min..
Your Best Physical Feature:	erm.. my ears?
Your Bedtime:	around 12am
Your Most Missed Memory:	too many to be remembered..
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	burger king
Single or Group Dates:	both.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	both
Cappuccino or Coffee:	both
Do you Smoke:	nope. smoking kills
Do you Swear:	nah
Do you Sing:	yah duh. national anthem. bwahahs. right.
Do you Shower Daily:	yup i just did!
Have you Been in Love:	ya
Do you want to go to College:	i'm in a college. hehe
Do you want to get Married:	perhaps? im not sure..
Do you belive in yourself:	hmm i think i believe in god more
Do you get Motion Sickness:	nah
Do you think you are Attractive:	nahh.. too unglam to attract.
Are you a Health Freak:	not quite
Do you get along with your Parents:	we sometimes talk
Do you like Thunderstorms:	when im not in it. when im in my bed.
Do you play an Instrument:	yupp
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	the ones in the lab? no.
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	erm cough syrup? with valid reason ok!
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	have i?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	if u havent.. u havent a life
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	yup!!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yupps
In the past month have you been on Stage:	ya! it was ultra embarrassing!
In the past month have you been Dumped:	hahaa nah.. not attached wad
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	er.. tried? and failed.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yes ur heart.
Ever been Drunk:	nope
Ever been called a Tease:	hahaha
Ever been Beaten up:	nope..
Ever Shoplifted:	nope
How do you want to Die:	sleeping
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	advertising agent. interior designer.
What country would you most like to Visit:	egypt.. antartica
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	brown? anything really
Favourite Hair Color:	black brown blue blond.. not particular abt this
Short or Long Hair:	short and wavy! or short and spikey?
Height:	taller than 157. preferably 170< and <180
Weight:	50+ 60 odd
Best Clothing Style:	metrosexual! nah.. up to him. must have style
Number of Drugs I have taken:	wad? panadols?
Number of CDs I own:	im not sure..
Number of Piercings:	2. one on each ear
Number of Tattoos:	self-made tattoo??
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	aii.. more than i want to rmb
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

2006-03-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

i cant seem to do anything right recently.. i cudnt understand the things i've studied.. cant respond in e right way to people.. cant give pple wad they want.. cant be who they wud've liked me to be.. cant seem to pass my tests [even if it was just a pop quiz].. ughh.. is this just unluck or divine..?

2006-03-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

im having motion sickness. i feel like puking. ugh.

2006-03-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

emotions are messy; just tuck them away. and move on.

2006-03-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

so when will this end? it goes on and on and over and over and over again. it'll all end when i step down from this for good. i need to get numbed to it again.

2006-03-08T23:25:00.001+08:00

"A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
All the miles that separate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face."

-3 doors down.

2006-03-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

Your voice is heaven but it hurts.
Your words are memories but they burn.

2006-03-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

the best way to say goodbye is to say goodnight.

goodnight.

2006-03-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

so as predicted im a residue in cj. hahs. not too bad i guess. hmm oh wells. yea it's great.

2006-02-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how..

2006-02-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

ok so here i am again updating my blog. ok actually im very tired. i update next time. hahahas.

2006-01-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

i admire jugglers. the way they toss the balls all at one time and being able to catch them and toss them again without losing one of them. they must've practised alot.. i wonder if i have the capability to do that.

2006-01-31T09:46:00.000+08:00

feel so loser now.. last day of chinese new year and im stuck at home doing chem again. sians.

2006-01-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

brand new start for my o-so-very-old blog. actually.. i dunno wad to blog abt.. chinese new year as usual is just monotony fer me. yet amusingly i enjoy it. i think it's just the thot that we are together again. not as if im close to my cousins at all. i spent my day eating ba kua and watching tv. it's like that every new year. i dun understand why i just cant mingle with my family. but it's ok. u get numb to this kinda feeling when it happens every year and it wud just be the time of the year again to feel this way. aniwae happy chinese new year!

2006-01-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

god.. i worry.. i worry that she wont stay.. i worry that she doesnt understand.. i worry that she wont grow.. god.. i worry that i havent put in my best.. i worry that i wont put in my best.. im afraid that because i havent given my 110%.. she leaves u. im afraid that if i dont stick close to u enough she might not be as close to u as well.. im fearful that i might perhaps be the cause that they fall.. God i pray that none of worries or fears come true.

2005-12-30T21:28:00.000+08:00

Strength Answers:

Sanguine: 6 Choleric: 1 Melancholy: 5 Phlegmatic: 8
Weakness Answers:
Sanguine: 3 Choleric: 2 Melancholy: 7 Phlegmatic: 8
Totals:
Sanguine: 9 Choleric: 3 Melancholy: 12 Phlegmatic: 16

whoever said i am sanguine.. please take back ur words.. im MELANCHOLIC!! wahahahhahaha.

2005-12-26T03:58:00.000+08:00

Bold those that apply to you:
i have a cell phone.
i havehad friends that use me.
i am an only child.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting.
i have more than a few horrible memories.
i am addicted to chocolate.
i am an atheist.
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures.
i hate people who are fake.
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a guy.
i have way too many purses.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily.
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter.
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.
i have had braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love guys that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person. *cause i've got Jesus in me*
i love to dance. though i cant..
i love to sing.though i cant too..
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily.
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day.
i don't like to study for tests.
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense in direction.
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's girl.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew.
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a guys sports team.
i become stressed easily.
i hate liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid. not that i want to sadly
i have food allergies.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think im pretty.
i type with one hand.
i live in a one storey house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i hate cheerleaders. well.. ok depends.
i usually get what i want.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life. perhaps im nt patient enough to finish e story.
i am close with my parents.
i don't have a curfew.

2005-12-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

shopped for almost the entire day of yesterday and today.. after shepherding etc, went to shop with them.. i've never felt so giving b4..

2005-12-18T19:23:00.000+08:00

wow i just cant contain this!! my mom is coming for service!!! it's like so so so miraculous.. this is really way beyond even my wildest dream.. just this june camp God dropped a word in my heart that "me and my household wud come to serve the lord together." i was clueless as to how to go abt doing it.. and my faithful God has brought this a step closer to the perfect dream. like wow. im amazed! and i really wanna thank God for krisstle's and yushan's encouragement.. i was so so fearful can.. but wow. thank God for my two dear sheep. gonna fast and pray for my mom's soul.

2005-12-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

woah.. today just flew by.. i was just sitting in my room yesterday night thinking of the possible scenarios that'd take place today.. then eh? it's over!! woohoo!! so relieved and so happy. hahas. i can feel how everyone feels.. like woah.. it's finally over after the many many rehearsals.. i still rmb how clueless we were abt the entire mcg when we 1st gathered together as a drama team.. and how God brought us thru everything! wow.. and really owe alot to gideon too.. =)) hahas. it's e 1st time i ever led a drama team and organised such a mega event.. now we see it all come to past.. it's really like a dream. and i really enjoyed the team i worked with.. rachel, yihui, marcus, sunny and alvin.. not forgetting our ulu man ruiyong! and our lovely singer yushan! hahaha those fun moments with them are really memorial ta me.. all e N.G.s and laughters.. yupp!! let's work hard for this harvest man!!

2005-12-10T18:08:00.000+08:00

wow it feels so great to be back! back using comp!! 3 months of forced abstinence from comp. hehes! esprit de corps was awesome! spent time with my girls and really had a whole lota fun. hahas. and i've learnt much as well.. but there's these 2 points that i really took back with me from the camp. that is that we need to see the schools, the region and every individual thru the eyes of God. only in this way can we have the compassion for pple. and i really wanna have the same heartbeat as God. another thing that i learnt is that sometimes when we think that we are somebody.. that we can do sth with our own abilities then God has to make u understand that we are really nobody.. then can He show us that He can use anybody. wow.. and i know its time to humble myself once again b4 him. and oh hahahs. ok another thing that struck me is to not have prejudice against pple.. we are all different.. different strengths different weaknesses. yupps. a really fruitful time for me during these 4 days! and now!! CHEONG FOR CHRISTMAS!!! let's do it girls! oh ya! im oso really proud of my girls! last camp in june we only had 3 pple with us [me, yushan and guihao]. and guihao didnt even stayover.. but this camp we have 8 pple with us!! wow!!! praise God man!!

2005-11-25T21:49:00.000+08:00

erm.. gosh.. zhiwei just found out she can enter my blog as and when she likes cos she has my password.. it's been 1 year... ahyuk ahyuk. ZHIWEI!! DUN ANIHOW BLOG OK!!! *pushes her away* bwahahhas.

zhiwei: :(((((

she has lotsa double chins.. she gained weight.. wahahha ok we just being high! just now ate the white wine vongole spaghetti.. *dances around* it's party time!! *pinches nose and raises hand and squats down???*